i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
