The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
