you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
