I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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