I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
