HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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