Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
