His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
