hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
