So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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