Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
