I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
