Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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