Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
