I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
