I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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