So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
