She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize