Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
