Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
