My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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