Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
