So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
