1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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