I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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