I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
