oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
