made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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