6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
