dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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