mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
