If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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