so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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