she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When are your genitals available?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
