Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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