I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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