i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
