think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
