Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
