I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
