I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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