you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
