That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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