Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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