btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
