she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
