Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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