im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
