Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize