When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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