a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
did i walk over a car last night?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
