my sisters under your porch take her home
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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