you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We smell like vodka and hangover
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