My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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