I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
time to smoke my breakfast
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
