What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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