Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
