Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So here I am, sexting at work.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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