so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
