Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
