I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
