Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize