So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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