Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
