I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
