It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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