So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
