i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
