also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
