I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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