Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
