mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
