Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We are all done wearing pants today
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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