You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
