So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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