I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
